What gear is your relationship in?
If your car only had one gear, your driving experience would be very different, right ? It may look like this :
1st gear only – Easy to get started, but you keep blowing the engine before you get very far
2nd gear only – Can pretty much get started in most situations, and short journies can be thrilling – lots of noise and smoke, but well cranky on long trips !
3rd gear only – Good on the flat, but one steep hill and you’re a gonna. Long cruises in this gear only tend to wear away at the engine parts, and while it can do it, it’s exhausting !
4th gear only – Only able to get started on a favorable slope ! Can cruise for long distances, but not very nimble if faced with tight corners, and junctions and crossroads could stall you for good !
5th gear only – Requires a tow start to even get in the game – and then liable to stick on that road come hell or high water, due to inability to slow enough to make a meaningful turn!
Many of us only know how to drive in one gear in our relationship and as life changes and evolves we find it hard to shift gear with flexibility, to suit it’s ever changing needs. With a little relationship education you will introduced to the rest of your ‘relationship gears’ so you can handle any terrain with joy, excitement, comfort and ease.
Hot tips for creating a conscious relationship
Be who you really are – This is the number one aim! I see so many people morph into someone their partner wants them to be in order that they don’t lose their love, but inevitably it sets up a false relationship based on acting out a part in “the movie” of the relationship.
Self awareness - Take responsibility for ALL your actions. Ask yourself “would I be in a relationship with me?”. You may not be getting the right reactions from your partner but what part do you own and take responsibility for?We can only change what we put into a relationship. The age old saying “what we give out we get back” could not be more true.
Communication - Communication. communication. Your relationship’s health hinges on this ingredient alone. Without the right type of communication relationships disconnect and fail and the most important time to know how to communicate properly is during the bad times. If you have the right tools these moments will pass effortlessly.
Appreciation - It’s easy to focus on what isn’t right but how often do you stop to appreciate your partner for all the great things in the relationship? Try it. Every day tell your man/woman about the good things. It will soften the defenses if you have been experiencing bad times.
Become all the things you want – If you want your partner to be truthful, trusting, honest…what good is it if you are not those things too? They don’t get such a great deal if you are not huh ?
Create a healthy relational space – Be aware that the relationship is not just you and your partner. It’s the space, feeling and emotion that create a good or a bad relationship. It’s like the home of your relationship. If you looked at the space between you now, how would it look ? A bomb site or a garden full of sweet smelling flowers ?
Boundaries – Healthy respectful boundaries are essential in a conscious relationship. Your sense of self is compromised if you don’t have them! It’s ok to show your partner where you start and end. Clarity is important !
Giving – Knowing that it is what you give to your relationship that helps you grow and heal. Trying to get your needs met all the time will create conflict and tug of war scenarios.
Forgiveness – The power of your intention to forgive is about making peace with yourself and releasing you and your partner from the emotional chains of any conflict situation.
Quality time – How much time do you spend actually being with your partner ? Not just being in the same room e.g. watching TV or doing the ironing but engaging in healthy “togetherness” activities, like sport, walking and communicating.
Sexual intimacy – True physical connection is done in the bedroom. Some people feel they have “drifted apart” where lack of sexual intimacy exists. For many women, emotional connection doesn’t always follow with physical intimacy but, despite those who say sex isn’t everything, it is crucial in maintaining one of the major communication channels in your relationship.
Work - Be under no illusions that relationships require work to keep them alive. Weekly and even daily time must be planned in for you both to properly communicate and really appreciate each other.
Love – This is what it’s all about! But love and the experience of deep communication with your partner will only come when the right blend of the above are understood and acted upon. Heart centred relationships are essentially those where love is freely given and the flow of receiving is open too.
Educate yourself – in the art of creating your own conscious relationship. Love is blind until you educate the mind! Without learning about what really goes on in a relationship you will not know by just experiencing one. Get there quicker with relationship education. It will save alot of pain and anguish !