Understanding female jealousy

I have wanted to blog about this subject forever. Female jealousy.

After the start of my new self growth course this last weekend, I am now in a place where I want to step up into my personal God given power. My course tutor, Andrew Wallas, calls it my magnificence but I also feel the inner critic as I write this, saying ‘who do you think you are?’ – It’s time to shut that voice up.

Right off the bat on Saturday morning Andrew said to me ‘what aren’t you saying to the world?’ I felt my solar plexus constrict and I just sobbed but I didn’t know what he meant. There were no words. Later in the day with laser precision he helped me focus on this issue in my body. In the process I dropped through into my inner freedom underneath the pain.

He offered me to say ‘I am magnificent’ and stuttering, I blurted it out but it felt odd. So I had to pick a woman in the room and go sit right in her space and look her deep in the eyes and say ‘I AM MAGNIFICENT’ Well hell! I just couldn’t. I felt constricted, my gut wrenched, my throat swelled and I couldn’t get my words out.

I sobbed and sobbed and admitted that women scare me, that bullying and intimidation by women over the years had held me in a place where in order to be accepted I had to hide my Light. The light bulb was huge!

Luckily I have a lot of very close female friendships but I am hyper vigilant when it comes to jealousy. I loathe the feeling of a woman being jealous of me. I want to run away.

I diminished being clever at school between the ages of 14-16 because a girl, who was far prettier than me, decided to put me down whenever she could, in class. If I put my hand up to answer a question she would snigger and gossip to the other girls. Massively intimidating when you are so young. It got to the point of me literally dreading going to school. I was terrified of the bully. It stayed with me for literally years.

In the corporate world there were 2-3 years of me loathing going to work at Gatwick because a few women in my team chose to gossip about me incessantly. If I walked down the office for example, I felt the eyes on me and and sniggers as I passed. So miserable.

These are just 2 of loads and loads of examples in my life stream. My mum and I have shared many examples of where other women have been green with envy just because we are who we are. Very sad for us and them.

And if you want to see the biggest area for female jealousy then just add men. The claws will draw blood over a guy! I have always been popular with men. In my aviation project management days particularly, it was wall to wall fellas. They are rarely bitchy and so it was easier to hang out with them but in some ways that caused even more jealousy from other women. They hate it if you are popular totty!

Key signs of a jealous woman in your life

  1. They put you down in conversation to try and diminish you.

  2. If you are having boyfriend problems they will make things worse because they don’t really want to see you happy. Maybe they even want your man. Seen that one.

  3. They boast about having more than you. I had a friend who talked often about how much she had earned in any one day when I talked about making only a few quid at a workshop.

  4. They try to upstage you in how they dress and look. If you have a new pair of shoes for example, their’s are more expensive. Blah!

  5. They avoid being at events or celebrations where you are the centre of attention. They can let you down at the last minute because they can’t bear for you to be adored.

  6. You just have a feeling of distrusting that they are talking about you to others.

  7. In conversation they try to tell you what to do and you can feel manipulated to do what they say to keep them happy, not you.

  8. They can’t be genuinely happy for you. You feel they just don’t have your back if you are in a crisis or even when you are very happy.

  9. They judge you to others. We all do this, lets be honest, but the jealous female is often self righteous and attempting to look better than you.

What you can do

  1. It’s really simple. Thrash it out or dump it. I have a long standing mantra ‘I can’t change you but I can choose not to be around you’ That’s worked many times and I have walked away from perceived friends over the years, because I don’t need that crap in my life. But it does all depend on the quality of the relationship you have with this woman. Sometimes you just need to get stuck into a conversation. If you do talk make sure you speak in the tone of ‘I feel sad, hurt when you do that’ – If you need help I have loads of suggestions in how to dialogue a successful convo. Quickest way to stop jealousy is uncover their little game. It maybe unconscious in them until you bring awareness to it. They maybe just full of apology!

  2. KNOW that their jealousy has NOTHING to do with you. Often jealous women have big self worth issues. Their magnificence is hidden by their own self berating and they compensate by trying to squash your light.

  3. Surround yourself with women who genuinely have your back and who love you. You just know who they are. I do. You feel elated after a conversation or evening with them.

  4. Kill them with your kindness and refusal to take on their jealousy. Build them up and make them feel good about themselves. They are craving it underneath the bitch claws. This one takes some big deep breaths because you may think ‘WTF should I!’ – but OMG it works.

  5. Go stand and look in the mirror and LOVE that woman. Don’t give up on her for anyone. Take that inner girl who got slated and you both get out there and shine! You are worth gazillions of love.

I hit 50 in February and I am on course to be bloody magnificent. Up to now it’s only been half out of the bag. I was born in this body with this face and these goddess curves and I am going to effing well celebrate the crap out of me from now on! I love who I am now. I have done ALOT of work on myself and suffered a lot to get this bloody badge.

I say this because I want that for you too, with bells on! I want you to shine and go out there and show us all see what you are made of! As you shine so do I, it’s infectious and it grows.

I have your back, I love you and I believe totally in you. If you are jealous, don’t be, it’s painful for you and the person you are hurting. Wasted energy darling.

Let’s say it together I AM MAGNIFICENT! Rock on goddess!

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Gina
Yoga teacher at Gina Hardy Yoga
I am a Yoga guide, relationship coach and therapist. I focus on teaching Yoga these days and love to teach in class, on retreat and in a 1:1 setting with clients. My motto for life is 'Live, Learn, Love, Pay it Foward' Pay your wisdom forward, tread lightly on this earth and leave footprints of love. Thank you, you are always loved no matter what. Gx

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